Your Guides to a Woman’s Erogenous Zones.
you know where to touch her, you’ve concoured half of the challenge….
By KIMBERLY HAAS
woman's body is an amazing thing. We're curvaceous and graceful, and just soft
enough to cuddle. And when you use your big, manly hands to touch us in
precisely the right spots, we melt. The problem is, we're women. We're not going
to tell you where we want to be touched, how hard, or for how long. We're going
to make you guess and if you get it wrong we'll pout. For years if we have to.
Well, it's about time somebody handed you a road map. And the
map we've put together here doesn't just show the major highways. This is a
complete visitor's guide marked with fast lanes, pit stops, and scenic
overlooks. Follow our routes and you'll take your partner exactly where she
wants to go without stopping to ask directions.
The number one mistake married guys make during sex? Not enough kissing. It's a
big one, says Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Oakland, California
and author of The New Male Sexuality. "Women love to kiss, and I've heard a
lot of them complain that guys just don't spend enough time on it," he
says. But don't just do it more, do it better. Try varying the intensity (kiss
her softly, then more passionately, then slow it down again). When you're done
with her lips, move on to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, neck, or
earlobes. Bonus points if you kiss her for several minutes without letting your
hands roam (focus on the kiss), and let her indicate when she's ready to move
You've noticed that a lot of women play with their hair? It's not just a nervous
habit, we do it because it feels good. Chances are she's wishing you would play
with it, too. The scalp can be very sensitive to stimulation, and since she's
probably not expecting you to lavish any attention on it, surprise her.
"Having her hair brushed can be a very sensual experience," says
Zilbergeld. Or run your fingers through it as you're kissing her or simply
caress her scalp gently with your hand. Bonus points for washing or blow-drying
(just leave the actual styling to her-you'll never get that thing with her bangs
to work out right).
Breasts are familiar territory for most men and they're fun, so it's unlikely
you'll shortchange them. The mistake you're more likely to make is giving them
too much (or too vigorous) attention before she's ready. Over-stimulating the
breast can be numbing or painful for women during some parts of their menstrual
cycle. "Try taking the less-is-more approach," suggests Linda De
Villers, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in El Segundo, California, and
author of Love Skills. "Touch her breast softly, then lift your hand away
from it and let her have that important moment of anticipation." Stick to
indirect stimulation of the nipples until they become aroused and don't just
focus on the bullseye. "Keep in mind that the entire breast is rich in
nerve endings," says Michael Seiler, Ph.D., sex therapist at the Phoenix
Institute in Chicago.
The Small of her Back.
Don't make the mistake of making her breasts the only stop on your way to the
main event. That's what she's expecting. Surprise her by asking her to lie on
her stomach (or on top of you) and massaging her lower back. "Besides being
rich in nerve endings, the small of the back has pressure points where stress
can accumulate. A massage there might not turn her on in the same way that
sucking on her nipple or rubbing her clitoris will, but it'll feel good and help
release stress," says Sari Locker, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to
Amazing Sex. What's more, it could even help with arousal, according to Seiler,
by increasing blood flow and engorgement in the pelvic area. Start by applying
steady but moderate pressure with your fingertips and if she likes it, work up
to a deeper massage. Bonus points for placing a few kisses there as well.
Her Soft Spots
Here's where you can really get creative. Try tenderly kissing the backs of her
knees, the insides of her arms, her inner thighs, or the hollow of her neck.
Women love to have these areas gently stroked, kissed, licked, or blown upon.
Warning: These areas are all also made of very soft tissue, so tread lightly.
"Gentle stimulation is going to be much more arousing than pressure that's
hard or rough," says Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., a psychologist and sex
therapist in San Francisco and editor of Seductions. "Catching her off
guard can be half the fun. "A lot of people don't realize that having a
tongue going up their inner arm is going to be erotic. It's the allure of the
novel. And if you're paying attention to these spots, the pace tends to be
leisurely-that's going to do a lot for her, too."
Ready to get to the bottom of things? A lot of women like their buttocks
attended to, and with more vigor than you might think. "You can use
pressure on a butt that you wouldn't use on a breast. It's not sensitive the way
a nipple or a clitoris is so you can knead them and squeeze them," says
Zilbergeld. Bonus points for complementing her rear as you work it.
"The perineum, the area between the vagina and the anus, is very sensitive
for a lot of women and it often goes unexplored," says Seiler. "It's
made from tissue similar to the vaginal lips so there are a lot of nerve endings
there." It also has an element of intimacy that might turn her on, says De
Villers. "It's not a part of the body that's normally exposed, so she's
going to feel like she's giving you special privileges, which can be
exciting." Because it's sensitive, stick to a light touch at first and hold
off until she's been aroused for some time, says De Villers. For a smoother
experience, try using a little artificial lubricant or massage oil.
The clitoris exists for one reason only: pleasure. For women, it's the most
erotically charged spot on the body. But for many men, it's still a mystery. It
doesn't have to be. "It helps to understand that the clitoris is made of
the exact same tissue and has the exact same nerve endings as the head of the
man's penis," says Seiler. So while it's fine to tease the clitoris now and
then throughout foreplay, there's going to come a time when she'll going to need
direct clitoral stimulation. "Once the excitement gets to a certain level,
she's going to enjoy consistent stimulation through her orgasm," says
Seiler. Stimulate her clitoris orally or manually as part of your foreplay. Or,
during intercourse, you can help give it extra attention by riding
"higher" than usual, or, better yet, letting her get on top. One other
thing you should know about the clitoris. "While men usually become
hypersensitive after orgasm and want stimulation to stop, women prefer clitoral
stimulation to continue through straight through their orgasm, and sometimes
even afterwards," says Seiler. It continues to feel good and sometimes they
might want to dive directly into round two.
Her Fingers and Toes.
A little creativity can go a long way when we're talking about sex. Here's a
tip: Try sucking on her fingers or toes during foreplay or intercourse.
(Granted, unless you're a contortionest, the toe thing may be a bit rough during
intercourse, but you can usually find her fingers.) They're a lot more sensitive
than you might think and for whatever reason, a relatively large area in the
brain receives sensation for them. "Lightly kissing or passionately sucking
them, especially combined with the sensations you're causing in her genitals,
can be incredibly erotic," says Barbach. Some women can even reach orgasm
just by having their feet massaged.
The G-spot may be the granddaddy of the erogenous zones, yet it's still one of
the most controversial and experts don't even agree on whether or not it exists.
But there's no harm in looking. Orgasms that originate from the G-spot feel
different for her than those that originate from the clitoris: You're aiming for
a sensitive area halfway between the back of her pubic bone and her cervix. If a
woman is lying on her back and you insert a finger or two palm up, you can use a
'come here' motion to stimulate it.
intercourse, the best position to stimulate the G-spot is with the woman on her
back, legs up and pelvis tilted forward, and you kneeling in front of her, says
Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., a sex therapist in Southern California and author of
Super Sexual Orgasm. For bonus points, try giving her a "blended
orgasm" by aiming for both her G-spot and her clitoris at once. Rear-entry
position is best for this, since your penis will hit her G-spot and you'll still
have enough maneuverability to reach around and stimulate her clitoris with a